After 20 years of marriage, I’ve learned…
My happiness was my responsibility. Not Jeremy’s. Not my kids’. Mine. The moment I owned that, I changed and my marriage got better.
Ask for what you need. Out loud. Not as a complaint. Not as a hint. As a clear, honest, loving request. Most partners want to show up. They just don’t know what showing up looks like.
Stop keeping score. Stop waiting to be noticed. Stop measuring what you give against what you receive. The less I held that against him, the more room there was for something better.
You have to be a whole person before you can be a great partner. You husband cannot be your everything. Find your own happiness. Your own passions. Your own joy and fulfillment. He will never be that for you and you can’t expect him to be. when you both come to the marriage already full, that’s when it gets to be something really good.
There is so little that actually deserves a fight. So little worth a grudge. So little worth your peace. Let almost everything go. Be lighter.
A marriage isn’t built in the beautiful moments. It’s built in the everyday moments of choosing connection. Choosing touch. Choosing to go towards rather than away. Choosing God.
The “job” your spouse hired you to do 20 years ago is not the same job he’s hiring you to do now. Relationships change and grow with every season. What does this season need from you? What does he need? What do you need? Figure out what this season looks like. (Clayton Christensen’s Jobs To Be Done framework applies to marriage too!)
Be your husband’s biggest cheerleader. Talk good about him behind his back. Tell your kids how amazing, wonderful, and incredible he is. Serve him. Love him. Give more than you think you should. Look for the good and you will find it.
